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KEEP SCHOOLS SAFE

APRIL 25, 2009

 

BULLYING – IS THERE AN ANSWER OUT THERE?

 

This is my pulpit, so why not use it?  I have written dozens of posts, an E-book, and taught numerous classes on counter-bullying strategies and techniques.  Matter of fact, this post started out to be a monograph on how to physically discourage or just plain stop the bully in his or her tracks.

 

But I’m at a loss, friends.  At a loss because, you see, two children, both around 11 years old, waited until their parents were asleep or away for a few minutes, then tossed a rope across something sturdy and high up, then hung themselves until their oh-so-young lives were gone.  Why?

 

Because they were victims of bullies.  That’s why.

 

I hear tell that over 65% of children are victims of bullying.  I figure, then, that there are many other children considering suicide mainly because they foresee no end to what is to them endless and relentless torture, humiliation and shame for as far as their eyes can see.  What might be worse – although I really have a tough time conjuring up anything that could possibly be worse than relentless pain and shame – is there seems to be no answers out there.

 

And, ironically, it is shame that might keep them from confiding in others about what is happening to them.  As a matter of fact, many of their best friends already know about them being bullied because the same best friends are (inert) bystanders and witnesses to the bullying and none of them stepped forward then when it meant the most.  Matter of fact, those best friends even joined in the laughing and mocking from the sidelines (because they wanted to appear to be on the bully’s side to prevent themselves from being bullied).

 

And, if one of those two poor children had confided in school administration, teachers and/or counselors, nothing meaningful probably would have happened to the bullies, and, arguably, things would have gotten worse because of the inevitable revenge attack once the school bell rang.

 

What can be done?  Truly, I don’t know for sure; but I do know something must be done.  Parents must be more pro-active.  They must ask intelligent questions.  Maybe not like “Honey, are you being bullied at school?  Although that’s a start.  But probing questions about how things are going; who are your friends?  Tell us, what you did you do today at school, etc?  Please tell us everything..  Just showing that type of interest every day can bring great results.  But, please, don’t stop at questions.  Observe.  Look for signs of depression.  Look for changes.  Is he eating less?  Caring less about hygiene?  Gone silent?   Gone from a good student to a poor student with slipping grades?  Don’t stop there, either.  Contact the school and ask questions.  Ask the administrators enough questions and be persistent and I guarantee they will start looking into things.

 

And the school.  Cripes, the school.  How about a Zero Tolerance Policy on bullying?  How about following through with a class or two?  Do something about it.

 

As for me. I will continue to put out my Bully-Be-Gone classes and posts.  It’s what I do.  But unless parents become Safety Coaches and teach their kids these skills and augment the skills with their love and support and total effort to extinguish the relentless pain, anguish and shame (and I have been there.  These are not meaningless words), bullies will continue to hold forth in our schools, playgrounds and neighborhoods, and we can expect to read and weep about more children at the end of the rope.

 

Please Stay Safe.

 

Hammer

 

 

 

 

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