Parents: You can Teach Your Child Bully-Be-Gone Tactics

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PARENTS: BE YOUR CHILD’S BULLY-BE-GONE SAFETY COACH!

Sheesh, Readers, talk about a frigging writer’s block. I wrote Part I of this 2-part post back on December 19. Over a month ago. If you’ve read me before, thanks for hanging in there. If you are a first-time reader, welcome. Enough already. Let’s get on with what I think are some valuable, easy-to-learn, easy-to-maintain, easy-to-perform under stress in real situation Fighting Arts that you can teach your children at home. Teach them these arts and I damn near guarantee your child will be able to:

  1. Prevent the bully from selecting him or her as a victim.
  2. Delay and discourage even the preliminary stages of a physical attack.
  3. But, if the attack comes, repel the assault and easily escape and evade injury

STEP 1. (RE) READ PART I. The 12/19 article suggested some key steps, including taking on the role of your child’s Safety Coach and teaching him or her Tough Target Skills that, if adopted, will create an aura that will not make him an easy target for bullying.

STEP 2. NEGOTIATE A PLEDGE FROM YOUR CHILD that he is willing to do whatever it takes, within reason, of course, to make a bully go away. After all, Bully-Be-Gone Tactics requires, more than even ability, a readiness and willingness to do what it takes. Standing up to a bully, after all, takes courage, make no mistake. Taking a pledge from your son or daughter that they will take their training seriously and commit themselves to it, is a very, very big step toward achieving the ultimate goal, which is to make the bully go away, forever (and, oh, how liberating a feeling that will be!)

STEP 3. MAKE THIS TRAINING A FAMILY DEFENSE PLAN. Make standing up for oneself and defending oneself family values.

STEP 4. PARENTS, BE SAFETY COACHES. If you read Step 1, you know this. If you did not, read it now.

STEP 5. DEVELOP AND TEACH FROM A LESSON PLAN OF FIGHTING SKILLS. Make sure the skills you arrive at are simple, easy to learn, based on symmetrical, gross motor skills, are easily doable under stress, and, since many of these might be exercised in the school environment where a zero-violence policy exists, injury-friendly.

HAMMER’S BULLY-BE-GONE COUNTER-BULLY SUCCESS FORMULA

  1. BREATHE DON’T FREEZE!. Teach your child that the first thing they need to do when attacked is to fight the natural urge to freeze and hold his or her breath. 98% of victims do this, which is why they are victims. Tactical breathing sends oxygenated blood to the brain.
  2. VERBALIZE. Nine out of 10 victims not only freeze but say nothing as the bully invades his or her space. Tell the bully that you intend to stand up for yourself. Ask him to step back; tell him to step back and then warn him to get back before you counter attack.
  3. CONTROL YOUR SPACE. Personal space is a fighting issue and the bully will attempt to immediately Depreciate the Victim by stepping in to his or her PSZ (Personal safe Zone). Breathe, Talk, Establish a Balanced Ready Stance, and Move is the correct sequence here.

Ø Breathe

Ø “”George, I told you, get back!”

Ø Balanced posture, strong foot back, knees bent, eye contact and weak hand up near face.

Ø Move diagonally to maintain your distance (5 to 6’).

  1. HAVE A GAME PLAN. Teach your child some reasonable escape and evasion tactics. Key here is your child needs to have a number 1 plan of action as well as a back-up plan (failure plan). Once he or she loads the plan in his or her brain, he or she is Spinal Tuned for action. If she/he has no plan, there is a good chance he or she will freeze like a deer in the headlights when an attack comes).
  2. LOAD “SURPRISE” INTO THE GAME PLAN. Especially if your child is not well physically equipped for dominating a fight, surprise is a key to victory. A few notes about “surprise” at the end of this article.
  3. SET THE BAD GUY BACK ON HIS/HER HEELS. Take the fight to the bully before he can take the first swing! The bully has chosen your kid, most likely because she or he feels your kid is an easy target. Invoke “Surprise” by taking the initiative. Knowing when to “take the fight to the bully” is a key, of course:

Ø AFTER THE BAD GUY THREATENS YOU.

Ø AFTER THE BULLY SHOVES YOU.

Ø AFTER THE BAD GUY POKES YOUN WITH HUIS OR HER FINGER (IN THE CHEST).

Ø AFTER THE BULLY DISREGARDS YOUR REQUEST TO “STAY BACK.” IF AND WHEN THEJ BULLY STARTS STRIDING TOWARD YOU WITH MENACING BODY LANGUAGE!

  1. USE REALISTIC AND EFFECTIVE ESCAPE & EVASION TACTICS:

Ø KEEP MOVING, HANDS UP.

Ø MIRROR CALM. LOOK FEROCIOUS, THINK FEROCIOUS. DO NOT COMMUNICATE FEAR.

Ø TIE THE BULLY UP (MAKE SURE TO GET YOUR ARMS ABOVE HIS/HERS).

Ø ONCE YOU HAVE HIM TIED UP, DRIVE YOUR TOE HARD SEVERAL TIMES INTO HIS/HER LOWER SHINS.

Ø THIS WILL MAKE HIM LOOSEN OR DROP HIS GRIP ON YOU. “OPEN HIS DOOR” BY PLACING YOUR WEAK HAND ON HIS OPPOSITE SHOULDER AND YOUR STRONG HAND ON THAT HIP AND SHOVE DOWNWARD AND BACK AT A 45 DEGREE ANGLE.

Ø STEP THROUGH THE OPEN DOOR AND GET OUT OF DODGE.

Next Post: The Element of Surprise and Bully-Be-Gone.

Until then, Stay Safe.

HAMMER

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8 Responses to “Parents: You can Teach Your Child Bully-Be-Gone Tactics”

  1. Bullying was once considered a childhood rite of passage. Today, however, bullying is recognized as a serious problem. In order to help your child handle school bullying, learn to recognize it and know how to respond. The idea of my children being harmed or lost is not something anyone wants to consider. I found an article by anationofmoms about a service that can protect your family via your cell phone. And, at the bottom, there is an opportunity to enter a drawing for 6 months of that service just by liking them on Facebook. You might find it interesting: http://anationofmoms.com/2011/08/protect-your-family-giveaway.html

  2. Thank you for your thought provoking response to my post. IK appareciate it & I found the link awesome

    Thanks

    Hammer

  3. Hey Hammer.
    I have a little problem I really hope you can help?
    Last weekend I was with my son in the park and he was getting along with the other kids just fine untill a much smaller and younger child ran up to him, grabed him by the head and forced him into the ground. As an ex-bodyguard myself I waited to see the reaction my son would take to this attack. To my suprise he did not react at all, but knelt on the ground and began to cry. Unfortunatly my boy and i dont live together but after explaining the situation to his mother, she has agreed to allow me to begin training with him.
    For some years now I have been teaching Krav Maga to other Bodyguards and some millitary personel. Yet when it comes to my own son I have hit a bit of a wall as to how I even begin his training. You see hes only 6 years old and even though I have the knowlage bace to teach him how to protect himself I have never taught a child before. The major problem i have is, I need to keep training fun to keep him interested, but I dont want to promote Fighting as being fun to him, as Im rather fearful of “creating” a bully myself if he is of the belief it is fun to fight.
    Hammer I could really use some guidance right about now… Any information as to where to start with someone so young would be a big help… many thanks.
    Simon.

  4. Simon, I have thought long & hard on your query & it is indeed a tough one to answer. At the risk of sounding over-simplistic, I’d say that, first of all, I doubt very much that whatever and however you teach your son, you cannot and will not “create” a bully. That nature might not be within him, although I know from my youth that almost any child can bull another when prodded by other peers and when that child is perceived to be weaker and more vulnerable BY your son. I have posted numerous monographs on http://www.actionagainstviolence.com, and, of course, http://www.keepschoolssafe.net on how to teach one’s child how to protect themselves against sexual predators and, of course, schoolyard and neighborhood bullies. And indeed you are correct: you have to keep your training fun and unintimidating. There are “games” and “scenarios/role plays” you can do with your son. “What if” Games, like “son, here is the situation, now, what would you do if that happened?” Monitor his answers and, without being judgmental, amend his solution to the problem. Act out the role of the bully and have him respond physically.
    This is tough, as I said earlier, because there are a series of responses I would look for based on the approach by the bully. But the sad truth is, sir, and I think you know this, based upon your experience with Krav Maga and training men: a young man’s WILLINGNESS to fight (back) is far more important than that youngster’s ABILITY to fight (back).
    I guess what I am saying is that you and I can teach your son the techniques, tactics, strategies, and even principles of “Fighting Winology,” but it would be hard for me to inculcate and install within him the heart and the willingness to achieve winology. However, as his father, I think you can do that.

    If you would like somehow to continue this dialog, you can contact me at harrywigder@rcn.com, which is my email address, and I will try to assist you with this. I mean, this probably doesn’t help at all, but what I might teach children who wished to repel bullying, all the way from 5 to 15 is:
    (1) Hang out with other kids, hopefully friends (bullies attack loners).
    (2) Have a plan of action ( if he’s been bullied before, he knows what to expect; how he will be approached, what the bully will say).
    (3) Mentally rehearse the attitude/psyche that “Hey, Dude, I aint going to take your crap any more.
    (4) BELIEVE you will resist and put-down the bully. Understand that you might get hurt, but that will soon pass. Nothing, however, will sting as long and as deep as allowing yourself to be humiliated).
    (5) When approached, take a deep breath (cycle-breathe) and tell yourself you have the ability to escape and evade this bully.
    (6) Assume an “athletic” Ready-Stance, but do not put hands in “boxer-stance.” Relaxed hands above hip-high.
    (7) Have a prepared verbal statement.
    (8) Maintain your PSZ (Personal Safety Zone). If and when the bully tries to encroach, use a J-Step to re-assume a good reactionary-gap of 5 to 6″
    (9) Th erest are physical moves when verbal denial and distance do not work. Escape by using a Hip Rotation Move or an Elbow-Joint Spin and walk through the “open door.”
    (10) Or, failing that, bring the hands up as if saying “please don’t hurt me (palms out fingers moving),” but, when the bully least expects it, launch a couple palm-heel strikes from those open hands.

    Hope this helps.

    hammer

  5. Hi!

    Thanks for the info. It helps me a lot in understanding this matter. It’s important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something that kids have to “tough out.” The effects can be serious and affect kids’ sense of self-worth and future relationships.

    Cheers!

  6. Leave one intact so the bully knows they got what they deserved every time they look in the mirror.

  7. Might could be a good strategy, but we are talking about bullying here. Usually child-to-child, teen-to-teen. Overkill, I’d say.